Awaken the Warrior, Balance the Masculine Energy Within
With Fathers day last Sunday I felt called to dive into this topic of healing and balancing the masculine energy within, the inner warrior, an area I am still doing deep exploration and work on. It’s one of my core wounds to heal, as my relationship with men has not been an easy one.
My biological father has never been in my life, although I met him when I was 18, for the first time and he decided not to pursue contact. I had a difficult relationship with my first stepfather who was present from when I was a baby to age 15, my most formative years. And the two men who I did have a deep trust, bond and respect for died when I was young. I am very blessed to have a kind, loving stepfather and husband now who support me and an uncle who has stepped in for some of my big life moments like birth (present during my mums labor; the first to hold me) and to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day!
Needless to say my relationship with men has been affected, as has my relationship with my inner masculine energy and how I express it. This I have realised is a gift and an area that has provided me deep transformation. As like any core wound there is a pot of gold to be found at the root of it, when you rewrite the ‘story’ and transform victim mentality to victory and pain into power.
Our fathers, partners, bosses, male role models, or “The Patriarchy” has wounded most of us, to some degree. For at least 2,000 years, our patriarchal culture has been dominated by the fear driven, distorted masculine – which is aggressive, power hungry, controlling, rigid and purely self-serving.Society has pushed women to become more masculine in their attempt to carve a career and place for themselves in the world. While some men have become increasingly emasculated, often unknowingly, by their partners and society.
I believe to be a whole empowered human we have to heal our relationship with and balance our masculine and feminine energies, men and women have both energies within. Our yin and yang, the inner balance. Feminine energy is receptive, like an inward breath, and Masculine, or yang energy, on the other hand, is expressed in an outward, penetrative way. Denying either one limits accessing a huge part of ourselves.
There has been a lot of focus on the divine feminine within spiritual circles, to strive for traits such as love, peace, compassion and acceptance and this is extremely important as these ideals have been dominated and suppressed for a long time within society. How often do will power, focus, inspired action, assertiveness and courage get overlooked? These traits are needed too. They are deeply catalytic.We need to express our masculine side to set healthy boundaries physically, emotionally, energetically, professionally, and sexually, so that we remain clear in who we are and to honour and protect ourselves, asserting what is okay for us and what is not.
There are both immature and mature expressions of the masculine and feminine within us. For instance, the immature masculine might be overtly aggressive, instead of assertive and direct.
Here are a few examples of the feel of the two different expressions of the masculine energy:
Immature Masculine – Competitive; Ego-centric; Separation; Self serving; Boisterous; Arrogant; Dictatorial; Emotionally detached; Motivated by self serving interests; Insecure; Identifies with material possessions; Domination; Perversion and aggression. This usually comes from some need to control the environment because of a need for a specific outcome.
Mature Masculine – Present; Man on a mission; Heart centred; focused; structured; Protective; Determined; Seeks collaboration & community; Motivation for mission is for the highest good of humanity; Emotionally intelligent; Strength; Direction and purpose. The mature masculine is visionary, fatherly, supportive, giving, active, and outgoing and has the ability to set structures and boundaries, and the strength to protect the feminine.
There are overlaps with feminine qualities, but you can sense the general difference in the two masculine energies. I will cover the feminine energies in another post.
A dominance of masculine energy can lead to burnout, with a constant push for more action, more results, a produce, produce, produce mentality. As author Tami Lynn Kent says:
“We must honestly evaluate where we operate primarily on output and production, noting any tendencies to work until we are depleted, frustrated, exhausted, irritable, or even ill. The stress to produce continually, the body tends to restrict, tensing muscles which reduce our energy flow. Fortunately by recognizing the effects of stress on well-being, we can consciously reverse the constriction pattern and instead replenish ourselves by intentionally receiving the feminine as breath, downtime, nourishment, and dream cultivation. Receiving from the feminine first and then taking action with the masculine, we follow a more fluid and long-term sustainable inner flow pattern. Rather than running your engines on high in the ‘strive and drive’ model, using the feminine-masculine flow is like surfing an energy wave; I think of this model as ‘flow and go.”
An imbalance of our masculine and feminine can cause issues within romantic relationships. Polar opposite energies attract, like a magnet, but if there is a combination of two dominant masculine energies or two dominant feminine energies between couples, the energy cancels each other out; the polarity of attraction is lost.
Learning when to channel each energy in a healthy way, and when, is key. So for instance, in a work environment, particularly if you are managing or holding space for others you will generally need to channel a masculine energy that is more direct and action oriented, but from a heart centred place. Whereas, at home within an interaction with an intimate partner a polar opposite energy is required for there to be an attraction. This doesn’t mean that women necessarily need to take on the feminine energy all the time, it’s just feeling when the feminine and masculine energy is needed in what circumstance. This is the same within same sex partnerships, there needs to be one partner who is predominantly more feminine and one who holds more masculine energy to maintain the polarity of attraction. It’s also possible to have a more dominantly masculine female and more feminine male dynamic.
There’s a whole language and dance between communicating from a masculine and feminine perspective. According to relationship expert Pat Allen, women’s greatest yearning is to have their feelings cherished, while men yearn to have their thoughts respected. Men are primarily more thought lead, logical beings and women are more feeling based, emotional beings. An example of the language expressed in the two energies would be “I feel…” holds a feminine quality, “I think… is masculine.
If we want to create harmony in this world I believe we must unify our feminine and masculine sides and embrace our wholeness. In a perfect world, feminine consciousness would allow us to know how to ‘be’, while masculine consciousness would allow us to know how to ‘act’.
We must deal with our own inner patriarch before we can address the outer one. As within so without! It’s time to embrace our inner masculine and penetrate the world with our truth, that’s rooted in our soul’s deepest desires and comes from the depths of our hearts; to protect and honour each other, our world and ourselves; to act with clarity, conviction, efficiency, sharp focus and courage; exert our power in the world without disempowering others; instead lifting others up too and whilst aligning with the majesty of our inner Queen. We need both. It takes both a Queen and a King to rule our inner realms. Through this partnership, we become Sovereign beings.
Here are some journaling questions to explore your relationship to the Masculine more intimately:
- Notice your thoughts about men when you interact with them, what feelings and beliefs do they invoke or trigger within you?
- Who and what are your “masculine” role models that best express the masculine to you? (Things like being of service, assertive, protecting)
- In what ways does your Inner Patriarch communicate with you? Can you give him a voice and character in order to communicate back?
- Can you identify some of the ways and in what circumstances you express your immature and mature masculine traits?
- Where and with whom do you feel challenged in speaking your truth and creating firm, yet flexible, boundaries?
- What practices and resources do you have in place to help you cultivate a more healthy relationship with the Mature Masculine. How can you get more support with this?
I will be covering this area more fully in my upcoming programme for women launching soon. Subscribe to my mailing list and DM me for more details.
Picture Credit: clanceyjamescreative.com